How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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