i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
