LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize