He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
