you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
