I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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