Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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