i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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