He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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