I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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