i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize