Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
