guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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