he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
