Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
