You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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