The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
