Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
