I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
