There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
