I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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