I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
