I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
