I wish I could teleport
I hate all girls vehemently.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
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