I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
it was like his penis was on wheels.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize