I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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