she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
