Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
