fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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