I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
