I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
