you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
