So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Can I color on your dick again?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
