I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
