tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
