I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
