Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize