fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
