Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
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