Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
