If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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