So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
