Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
When are your genitals available?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
