We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
