College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
