Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
