You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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