I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
