He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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