My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
