i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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