OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
