I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
