Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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