Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize