took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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