Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
