I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
