so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
