Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
