so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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