I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Randomize
