Having a random hookup so left but love u
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Randomize
