I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
