My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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