Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I think my vagina is haunted
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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