plz talk dirty to me
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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