i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
