Moan for me like Helen Keller
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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