I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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