you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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