are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
