Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
