Please, let me fuck your mom
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
