Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
