just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
