He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize