I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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