tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
