went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I wear drunk well.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
