I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
