is wine microwaveable?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
