What a fucking waste of an outfit
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
