I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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