Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Randomize
