Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
