I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
