Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
