the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
