i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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