I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
