life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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