We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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