you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
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